Random race thoughts

I still love racing my bike.
I love the scene, the people, the personal challenge.
I do not enjoy when that is spoiled in some respect.
Branchbrook was the first time I was actually freaked out while racing.
If you use the porta-pots, slide the freaking handle shut.
Nice touch at LP to place Human Zoom reading literature in the porta's for us. Sunday Philly paper would have been cool also.
Smoother course mean more bozos are there at the end.
Some people still think sprinting for 50th is cool.
Crit racing is NASCAR, think about it. It really is.
Bike racing distorts ones reality.
Wheelsets are now more expensive than bikes, when I started racing.
Everyone has a pair of those wheels, if not two pair.
Teammates make or break the racing experience.
EVERYONE, keep your day jobs.
Stay safe, stay fun, enjoy the ride.
Twain was once quoted as saying, "there is nothing so pure as a boy and his bicycle."
I would hate to have that spoiled.

I heart TV

Yes, there, I said it. I LOVE TELEVISION! If you so decide there are no shortages for entertainment. Especially when it is viewed on a 60" HD set. I have become smitten with MHD. It is a music station , that get this, actually plays music. I just watched the Isle of Wight festival with the Who & Bowie. Amazing music, amazing pic. Except that you can see how craggly Daltry & Bowie are up close.
Seriously, I never understood the "kill your television" crowd. TV is entertainment, nothing more, nothing less. If your stance is on the dumbing down of America, should you not kill your laptop, or kill your local theatre troupe? They are forms of entertainment. After a day of work or a ride, I want to be entertained. I want to experience something that I can not experience without this medium. I will never work an Alaskan crab boat, I will never go to Scotland for a concert, I will never build a motorcycle, I can not easily get to NYC to see aplay. I can do all these things from the comfort of my couch for less then the cost of a venti mocha-nilla frappa-chi half-fat all pretense no whip triple lindy americano machiatto.
To my TV hating peeps out there, you have missed the boat. Kick back relax and be entertained. Do not look at your set for education, although you easily can. Look at your set for sheer entertainment. Sit back watch a show and smile, you will be better off for loving your telly. Really, it is OK. Now, go hug your telly, especially since Sanjaya is leaving Idol.

525 thousand 600 minutes

How do you account for a year?
Watching RENT right now and forgot how much I enjoy that musical. Eric, Amy & I took my mom to see RENT in Philly for Mothers' Day years ago. Great show, good times.
Seriously, as the song goes, how do you account for a year?

- Seasons of Love Lyrics
Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes,
Five hundred twenty-five thousandMoments so dear.
Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?
In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights
In cups of coffee In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand Six hundred minutes
How do you measure A year in the life?
How about love?How about love?How about love?
Measure in love Seasons of love. Seasons of love
Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes!
Five hundred twenty-five thousandJourneys to plan.
Five hundred twenty-five thousandSix hundred minutes
How do you measure the life
Of a woman or a man
In truths that she learned,Or in times that he cried.
In bridges he burned,Or the way that she died.
It's time now to sing out,Tho' the story never ends
Let's celebrate Remember a year in the life of friends
Remember the love!Remember the love!Seasons of love!
Oh you got to got to Remember the love! remember the love,
You Measure in love know that love is a gift from up above
Seasons of love. Share love, give love spread love
Measure measure your life in love.

After 525 thousand 600 of the most trying minutes of my life, I segue to Finale B

There is no future
There is no past
Thank God this Moment's not the last
There's only us There's only this
Forget regret or Life is yours to miss
No other road no other way
No day but today
I can't control My destiny
I trust my soul
My only goal
Will I lose my dignity
Will someone care
Will I wake tomorrow
From this nightmare
Just to be
Without You
The hand gropes, The ear hears
The pulse beats, Life goes on
But I'm gone
There's only now
There's only here
Give in to love Or live in fear
No other path No other way
Cause I die Without you
I die without you
I die without you
I die without you
I die without you
I die without you
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
No day but today
NO DAY BUT TODAY!!

Lyrics courtesy of original RENT score.
Sentiments courtesy of my cluttered mind.

I will start over again tommorow and look forward to the next 525 thousand 600 minutes where I will live and I will love. That is the measure of this man

Dinner

Sweet Potato souflee
Toasted whole wheat bagel w/ grilled chicken and cheese
Granny Smith apple w/ Crazy Richard's organic extrra crunchy peanut butter
Penn Brewery Pilsner

Uninspired

Yes I am. Tons of shit going on lately. I just do not feel compelled to share. Some stuff is much more personal than others. In due time I will spill the beans. Time to go house hunting.
It is amazing how thin veils are these days, is it not?

Hooda thunk it

I have an itch that needs a scratchin' Not the one in my middle back which is dry like the Sahara & real itchy. Double time with the shower brush. Oops, back to point.
In a slightly hypo manic phase this week I deemed it necessary to race my mtb a few times this year. Yes, I said mtb. I actually raced mtb for 4-5 years in the early 90's. In fact I will be racing the steed from that long gone era. A custom geo SMORGASBORD 853 steel is friggin' real ride. From what I remember the SMOR is from '97. Ten years young and still sub 23 lbs.
So I got her ride, not race, ready the past few days. With the addition of a new Manitou R7 fork and some Easton bar/stem swag ( thank god Bell sports is distributing Easton now) on the way I will be set. I replaced my indexed headset with a sweet green King fron Benny today. It looks sweet with the faded green decals and orange frame.
So tomorrow I ride with the royalty of Central PA mtb. Weston V the 14th, Manzarek & Nance. Michaux for 3-4 hours. I hope the fork holds out.
More to report Sunday.

Walk a mile...

... in my shoes at the present time. Go ahead I dare you.
It has been one body blow after the next.

Sing to the cadence of Sorry Somehow, Husker Du.

Friends and fam don't know what to say, hold you with kid gloves
Yeah I know words are tough, just send a little love
Nights are short and days are way too long, just like to rub it in
It's not a game this is my life, when will I ever win
Climb the rung start to see the light I can almost see the top
Two steps up and three more back when will I get the drop
Walk a mile if you will, do you have the time
Buckle up and hold on tight everything will be just fine
Here we go yet again it's getting fucking old
Your grass is green and it will grow, it's not made of gold
Bleed me dry, hope you feel good, get your pound of flesh
Play by the rules don't be so sneaky, that would be the best
Cut off your nose to spite your face, forest through the trees
Pick you battles wise my friend, do you want to mess with these
Walk a mile if you will, do you have the time
Buckle up and hold on tight everything will be just fine
What do you want to be when you grow up, hurry now and decide
Do you bleed red for the colonel, no, that's corporate suicide
Give me your best, we'll take care of you, yeah we'll give you our all
Sit by your phone yet again, here comes that November call
Ten years in, fifteen to go, a lifetime away
I can barely get outta bed and make it through the day
Walk a mile if you will, do you have the time
Buckle up and hold on tight everything will be just fine
Touch 'em all rounding third save the best for last
We had fourteen years, I hoped for more, yeah they were a blast
No one knows, no one ever can or will, like the way I do
We shared the best and we shared the worst, table set for two
Now here it is the time is coming I worry what they'll say
I know in my heart I tried my best to love you every day
Walk a mile if you will, do you have the time
Buckle up and hold on tight everything will be just fine

God love the Ruskies

Sorry Lux. I think I just spent $8.00 at my new fave download site. www.allofmp3.com that $8.00 got me 52 songs. Sweet!
Bedtime.

Shake dem bones

Yeah, it has been a while since I busted out some Dead. Tonight just felt right. Some good Tequila is working so I will try to recollect some of my fondest memories of some of my best times with the most important people of my life.

I was a late bloomer. 86ish when I started getting hooked a year or two late seeing shows, Thanks go out to the infamous Webb brothers. Good dudes. Big Al Webb especially. I remember being at an RFk show with my bro, Silsley & my Mom. I saw Big Al strolling thorugh the crowd. i have not seen him for a year or so as he went out West to sky. There he was. Minutes later I saw my man Fabo ("I love pot"). The big guy almost crushed me with a hug. That is what the Dead was about.
RFK:
Oysters with SWaulters & Amy. Bojangle chicken & bisquits. Yummy
Camel hair van and the keg/broken door incident
Camel hair van and the beer ball drive
Me almost getting arrested protecting the said Camel hair van
Eric, Steve, Carolyn & I in the very fucking top row at RFK. Row Jimmy comes on. Totally awesome. We decide it is time to go to the floor to move. Sils jumps the fence and the guards chase him whilst Eric, Carolyn & I stroll in.
Selling Barleywine homebrew
Fred Clepper, god rest his soul.
Steve's car alarm
Broken foot and crutches in 95 degree heat. Foot swelled like a bloated sausage
DK
Tading birks for tix. I am wearing the Birks right now. 15 years later.
Amy, no show was complete without lovely Ames being indoctrinated.
Digress, Brokedown Palace is on now. Full on tears, sorry. My cousins played this at their Mom's funeral a few years back. God rest, Janet. Eric & I got them into the Dead.
First time, and only time I wor a skirt/dress. Regimental, fuck yeah it was comfy. I danced liked a true Deadhead that night
Baked, lots
Drunk, lots
Drum circle under the overpass
$1 beers and Falafels
Crazy buses
Crazier people
Lisa Heintzleman where are you? Man I would like to see you again
Star Lake:
Mike Hart, Shecky, Fabo, Ames
'Shroomin & boomin
Meadowlands:
Keystone Light, 3 for $2 just to get home. Yeah I was broke
Steve Miller band & Sting as openers. Sweet
Nasty paved parking lot scene, the worst
Notar, my brother. Mother fuck, you were right! I miss you man.
Cap Centre;
Jen Maclay, virtue & vice
Some vegan girl from Madre who wanted to ride along
SECOND FUCKING ROW. Bobby spit on me, almost
Who has my miracle. Why I do, young man. Two seats second row center for $100 total
What a trip literal, figurative
The best lot food
March early 90's shows 4 nights. I commuted every one.
I tought severe MR & disabled kids how to swim in the morning. They made the trip worthwhile.
Scraping the concrete median on the drive home night three.
Got wasted and said something dumb to Jen Maclay. I will always be sorry for that.
First shows with Gus.
Boulder Theatre:
Little women
The night Brent Midland died, freaky.
Turns out a did a lot of mtb'ing with the Little Women drummer years later in PA
Superweek:
Won tix to see Bobby at Alpine Mt. Front row. Bike race, guess which won out. Dumb.
There was much, much more. This was just a little taste

SSSHHHH, I have/had a secret

I do. Some know, most do not. It is cathartic to talk about it, yet painful enough I want to conceal it.
I had heard about the Post Secret project from a TV special. Basically, a man from MD placed postcards everywhere he could think & asked people to return them to him with a secret. There were two conditions. The secret must be true. No one has ever heard the secret before.
I figured I would buy the book and try to use it as a way to help me in some fashion. I made it to page twenty-four before the tears were streaming down my cheeks. I have two hundred and fifty-one pages of someones most private thoughts to read. This may very well be the most powerful collection ever compiled.
Post Secret, compiled by Frank Warren

Numerology Top 20

1 Number of cars I punched today
2 Number of times I called the lady a "Fat, See you next Tuesday!"
3 Pieces of Muenster cheese on my sammy I had for lunch. Yummy
4 The number of Black Crowes discs in my CD player. Listening to a lot a Crowes lately
5 The number of cars that almost hit me today. I mean within 2-3 bike lengths close calls
6 Days until Nats race
7 Days until a wicked drunken bender
8 Snowman, in golf parlance, I hope Amy gets a White Christmas
9 Thousand miles I will have ridden my bikes this season
10 Cans of Diet Vanilla Pepsi in my fridge
11 Days until D-day
12 Years, Amy & I have been married
13 Unlucky, I will skip Thirteen
14 Cross top tens this season. Including two series overalls
15 More shopping days until Christmas
16 Cross races this year. After a 40 race road season
17 Weight, in pounds, of my Cross race bike
18 Age of Consent, New Order song just popped in my head
19 th Nervous Breakdown. Stones. Fitting
20 Days off I have after next Tuesday until I go back to work

Blogference Call

Since I did some Net surfing during my year-end eval Monday, today I will keep up the trend. I will compose this blog while on a conference call for work. Some may call it apathy. I prefer to look at it as a way to ultra focus my concentration. To be the consummate multi-tasker. To be able to engage both all of the brain at once, creative, logical and executive function.
Here we go. Sweet, I think my manager has given us the incorrect access code. I am on a call that is for managers. WTF! Damn, I just missed some area awards. That would have been classic to here that info.
Yesterday I had a great ride on the road bike. Nice tempo with some Threshold (400+) Watts thrown in. Legs are really good going into Nats. I may race on Sunday or zip to Lancaster for the Sunday Worlds. I want one last good hard effort then BIG rest. Front row start, so hopefully I will make the best of it. Get out fast and roll strong.
I went to Eric's last night to pick up a piece of furniture. It just fit in the Blazer. DK is helping me move it in today. I had a nice talk with my bro last night. He helped me think through some things and it was good to be able to talk through all the stress that I am experiencing. We talked about my career and how unfufilling it is presently.So much goes through my mind every day. What to do? Should I make some serious changes in my life? Will some serious changes in my life be made for me?
Back to my call. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah I got it.
Here we go, let's be creative. Any visuals? ASS CLOWN! Can we use a Lionel train? You know, open the gate to Gateway. HA HA HA HA. Unfreakin' real. Yeah I have been selling for 9+ years in this industry, and the best support I can get in a f'in Lionel train! That screech you just heard wasmy career hit the Lionel train breaks. Choo, Choo, chugga, chugga, chugga. I think I can, I think I can.
Call is done. I am out.

So much to say

So hard to say it. For the seven or eight people who read this you will have to wait another week. I jokingly say on my profile something to the effect of "those in the know, know". Well that is quite true the past few months.
I have never cared less about work. I had my year-end performance review today at Starbucks. I was connected to the interent to access some Lilly info for my review. After a few minutes, I actually started surfing Cyclingnews, velonews, bikereg and a few blogs, during the review. My manager did not have a clue and I was two feet away from him. Unreal. The highlight of the eval was my monstrous rice krispy treat & soy mocha.
Riding is going well. The legs are really responding with a good ride at States & great ride at Reston. They were fun days on a bike. Yesterday, I was very aware of what was going on. People taking pics, what announcers are saying, who is cheering, people watching. It was somewhat surreal. The race was hard, but I was so in tune with everything. That is, until that last greasy little root that I bobbled and lost contact w/ Joe & Gunnar my Gunnar. At least I concentrated on something positive for a while.
Personally, today I woke up and said "today is a new day". Tomorrow I will do the same. At least I had the company of a good friend to hang with this weekend. That makes life more bearable.
To all my cross friends and aquaintences, it was a great season. Thanks for racing and making weekends fun.

Perspective

As I was sitting in an office, feeling sorry for myself the other day, I gained a little perspective. Today it hit home. No matter what happens in my life work, personal, social, cycling, regardless. I have my health.
I was waiting for my lunch appointment, and out of the office came a gentleman that put me in my place. Working in the mental health/neurology field, you tend to see some people who are going to elicit an emotional response. I try not to make eye contact with patients, so I do not have a response to them that they get a hundred times a day. The young man, maybe early 30's, came out of the office shuffling behind a walker. He could barely move. His sister, as best as I could tell, was trying to get his coat on him. There was a little girl who was with them and she wanted some candy. The sister, said she already ate on of her three pieces and this would be her next to last piece. The sister then asked the young man if he knew how many pieces of candy the little girl would have left. He took a little while and then thought aloud in a barely audible and recognizable voice said, "two". The sister then reminded him that this is the second piece of candy. "Three minus two, is how many?" After about five seconds, he replied, "one."
This gentleman was not MR, he has just been ravaged by a disease that has taken his body & his mind.
So when we are pissed about finishing 12th instead of 8th, or even worse, 2nd instead of 1st. Maybe it is time to get a little bit of perspective.

Kind of like watching a car wreck

For Ms Dambach, Its a long way to the top

I had a project in 8th grade music to write a story using song titles. Here is a borderline manic attempt twenty-five years later. A true manic would not stop at the R's, but I need to sleep.
Try to guess how many titles you can find.
Rock & Roll ain't noise pollution, especially when it gets the girls dancin. Amy likes to dance. She's crafty as she works the homies for a little brass monkey for her and her circle of friends. You know I will always be by your side. Hell, only a fool would let you go. I need a remedy for that thorn in my pride. You should never have to say quit kickin' my heart around. The bike, sometimes salvation, sometimes it will just sting me.
Is it too late to change now? What's my age again? Dammit, maybe I should act it before I go man overboard and they rename Adam's song. I will be Johnny 99 before you know it. Going all apeshit in the badlands in the darkness at the edge of town, down by the cadillac ranch. Because the night was so bad I did not know what else to do. For what it's worth, I did not mean to hurt anyone. Do not worry about me, I will survive. A sugarhigh here or there will probably get me in a whole lotta trouble. It's these pictures of you that I look at everyday that drive me crazy. I would do anything to be one of your heros again. This years love has been hard. I feel the pain.
Did you ever just want to lose yourself? You know, shake that up a little. I do not mean hey man, nice shot style. All my life I have tried to avoid times like these. I have tried to do everything in you honor. Now it seems I have thrown a monkeywrench in my own happiness. It looks like it may be time to learn to fly. Some may say that nice guys finish last, but I am in the minority and disagree. Bittersweet my ass, just bitter, nothing sweet about it. Never did I say I don't want to know if you are lonely. Now I am just sorry somehow and hardly getting over it, because really all this I've done for you. No promise have I made means more than the my vow to you. I would run to the hills to keep that. Jane says that she thought we would be the couple slow dancing in a burning room, just waiting for the world to change. Now I just hurt, like I have the folsom prison blues. Jackson, the cocaine blues have nothing on these. I feel like I have been everywhere, yet stuck in a ring of fire that I can not get out of. Like a 1960's black chick white guy scene, in good ole sweet home Alabama. Am I just wasting time, walking down this lonely road of faith like some cowboy pretending to be all Mr Brightside? All these things that I've done I can never bring back. I can not rock and roll all nite, but I can shout it out loud like some Christine sixteen on prom night. I love you!
Ready, steady, go. It is time I remove that proverbial long black veil and kickstart my heart. Who knows, after the goldrush I may not feel so helpless? Never so bad to see the needle and the damge done, yet at times I really do wanna be sedated. Just get on that crazy train and steal away the night like someone freakshow diary of a madman. Just ride on until you say, let my love open the door because you know I do not need somebody to love. I just need you to love.
Yes I have been under pressure lately. Mama we are all crazy now, especially me. Talk about the passion, I know the bike is to blame. I probably would have taken to gardening at night so I could keep training. It seems like the end of the world as we know it, or at least as I know it. People going here, there and everywhere, but don't go back to rockville. Driver 8 is full steam ahead even though you can't get there from here. It looks like there is a bad moon rising tonight, this is the Rancid version though. I just hope I do not fall back down as the first time hurt enough.
There you go. I opened my soul and my Ipod. The titles are in alphabetical order by artist, which made it tricky, from AC-DC to Rancid.
I apologize to all my family and friends who I have placed second to my own desires for so long. You all have deserved better.
Sincerely,
Mike

Feel the pain

Cross has been good so far. I have been feeling the "A" pain, and gaining a lot of confidence. Decent legs, little race stress, good mindest. Enough said.
Unfortunately I have been starting my days out with Dinosaur Jr., Feel the pain, of late. Great song, yet it is one that I tend to internalize more than most. I attach meaning and memory to music. There are certain signs that I watch out for. Feel the pain is the harbinger, not forwarding through Husker Du , Candy Apple Grey album is the other.
Gotta go, Bob Mould is calling.

And a good time was had by all

Ames & I went to a nice quaint gathering @ Scott & Earl's house last night. Scott has a great place on second street. 1800's house w/ exposed brick walls walnut wainscoting for the ceilings and textured paints & papers. Really sweet place. Thanks for opening your house and making some great food. Danny & Libby were there as were Steve & Steph. Danny & Steve are two of the funniest guys I have ever met. I need to tie on a Hubert J Ass buzz with those guys some night. Good food, drink, friends and fun. I'll take that anyday.
Today was the first cross event of the season & Kris, Bernie & the C3 crew kicked ass. Great show everyone. It was hot today, and I do not do well in hot cross races. I decided it was bottle & cage day, wise choice. I drank a full bottle during the race. Forty guys started the Elite race. After some sorting out I settled in with a group from 6-12. I did most of thje work chasing my old FORT mates, and ended up 10th. I am happy with that. My poor MidAtlanticcross.com sticker bike was squealing like Ned Beatty in Deliverance. Avid front brakes stink, too grabby and always squeal. I saw a lot of my cross friends again, that was good for the mind.
The vibe was great. I heard a lot of people cheering for me, so that felt good. That is what is so cool with cross., everyone supports everyone else. Cross really is king.
Oh yeah. Leech kicked ass. HOWEVER, HE ROLLED A FREAKIN' TUBIE. Five minutes into the season & HE ROLLED A FREAKIN' TUBIE.

Do you ever ride to just enjoy it?

Those were the prophetic words once uttered by my mother. I had to really think about it when she said that. I have been racing since '87. At first it started in Triathlons, almost as a challenge from my old high school principal, who raced triathlons. For me it was all about being better than that hard-ass. Racing was an experiment in '87, a progression in '88 a full throttle lifestyle choice by '89. In '90 I moved to Boulder to train for Ironman. What an experience, what a beautiful area. Back to PA to race the road for a few years. Then the switch to Mtb's for a few years. That was fun. People were fun, riding was fun. I took it all for granted. Then my buddy Rod Myers got me back to the road scene in 2000. Man that was hard to get rolling again. Since then I have worked very hard to be the best racer & teammate that I can possibly be. Along the way I forgot that the lowest common denominator of racing harkens all the way back to Mark Twain. Twain once said, paraphrased, "there is nothing so pure as a boy and his bicycle."
Last night I set out to pay hommage to Mr Twain. I took my cross steed to Pinchot Park to ride the horse, hiker, bike trails. Most are banned to bikes (shhh), most are very underused. A great mix of roots, some rocks, but mostly twisty turny single-track that makes you want to smile and make motorcycle cycle throttle sounds. It was so much fun to rip around back there. I actually found a great section of Lakeside trail that is marked for bikes. This may be my new weekly gig.
Last night I enjoyed being on a bike more than ever. Nothing could spoil the mood, not flat #1, 10 minutes in, or flat #2 20 minutes later. It was so much fun. No stress about work, racing or Ames being away. It was just a boy and his bicycle, simple & pure.

In the blink of an eye

A man's life was taken from him last night.
http://spokepost.com/news/story/1535/?PHPSESSID=c282b42b53e9e5531a6736010b6c3601

How many cars pass you when you are out on a ride? How many times is that taken for granted? I know I never give it a second thought. Jon Dechau probably never did either. I met Jon once or twice, and do not profess to know him. I friend of mine knows Jon very well, and I am sure he is pretty upset as I write this. I could drone on and on about cars and drivers who do not pay attention. Riding a bike on a public road is an inherent risk, just not one that I see as a bad risk. Every day it seems to get a little worse. It is getting to be like a Hill Street Blues send-off, "Let's be careful out there."
Enjoy what you do, do what you enjoy. Just be careful out there.