Tuesday, October 31, 2006


As I was sitting in an office, feeling sorry for myself the other day, I gained a little perspective. Today it hit home. No matter what happens in my life work, personal, social, cycling, regardless. I have my health.
I was waiting for my lunch appointment, and out of the office came a gentleman that put me in my place. Working in the mental health/neurology field, you tend to see some people who are going to elicit an emotional response. I try not to make eye contact with patients, so I do not have a response to them that they get a hundred times a day. The young man, maybe early 30's, came out of the office shuffling behind a walker. He could barely move. His sister, as best as I could tell, was trying to get his coat on him. There was a little girl who was with them and she wanted some candy. The sister, said she already ate on of her three pieces and this would be her next to last piece. The sister then asked the young man if he knew how many pieces of candy the little girl would have left. He took a little while and then thought aloud in a barely audible and recognizable voice said, "two". The sister then reminded him that this is the second piece of candy. "Three minus two, is how many?" After about five seconds, he replied, "one."
This gentleman was not MR, he has just been ravaged by a disease that has taken his body & his mind.
So when we are pissed about finishing 12th instead of 8th, or even worse, 2nd instead of 1st. Maybe it is time to get a little bit of perspective.

Kind of like watching a car wreck

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

For Ms Dambach, Its a long way to the top

I had a project in 8th grade music to write a story using song titles. Here is a borderline manic attempt twenty-five years later. A true manic would not stop at the R's, but I need to sleep.
Try to guess how many titles you can find.
Rock & Roll ain't noise pollution, especially when it gets the girls dancin. Amy likes to dance. She's crafty as she works the homies for a little brass monkey for her and her circle of friends. You know I will always be by your side. Hell, only a fool would let you go. I need a remedy for that thorn in my pride. You should never have to say quit kickin' my heart around. The bike, sometimes salvation, sometimes it will just sting me.
Is it too late to change now? What's my age again? Dammit, maybe I should act it before I go man overboard and they rename Adam's song. I will be Johnny 99 before you know it. Going all apeshit in the badlands in the darkness at the edge of town, down by the cadillac ranch. Because the night was so bad I did not know what else to do. For what it's worth, I did not mean to hurt anyone. Do not worry about me, I will survive. A sugarhigh here or there will probably get me in a whole lotta trouble. It's these pictures of you that I look at everyday that drive me crazy. I would do anything to be one of your heros again. This years love has been hard. I feel the pain.
Did you ever just want to lose yourself? You know, shake that up a little. I do not mean hey man, nice shot style. All my life I have tried to avoid times like these. I have tried to do everything in you honor. Now it seems I have thrown a monkeywrench in my own happiness. It looks like it may be time to learn to fly. Some may say that nice guys finish last, but I am in the minority and disagree. Bittersweet my ass, just bitter, nothing sweet about it. Never did I say I don't want to know if you are lonely. Now I am just sorry somehow and hardly getting over it, because really all this I've done for you. No promise have I made means more than the my vow to you. I would run to the hills to keep that. Jane says that she thought we would be the couple slow dancing in a burning room, just waiting for the world to change. Now I just hurt, like I have the folsom prison blues. Jackson, the cocaine blues have nothing on these. I feel like I have been everywhere, yet stuck in a ring of fire that I can not get out of. Like a 1960's black chick white guy scene, in good ole sweet home Alabama. Am I just wasting time, walking down this lonely road of faith like some cowboy pretending to be all Mr Brightside? All these things that I've done I can never bring back. I can not rock and roll all nite, but I can shout it out loud like some Christine sixteen on prom night. I love you!
Ready, steady, go. It is time I remove that proverbial long black veil and kickstart my heart. Who knows, after the goldrush I may not feel so helpless? Never so bad to see the needle and the damge done, yet at times I really do wanna be sedated. Just get on that crazy train and steal away the night like someone freakshow diary of a madman. Just ride on until you say, let my love open the door because you know I do not need somebody to love. I just need you to love.
Yes I have been under pressure lately. Mama we are all crazy now, especially me. Talk about the passion, I know the bike is to blame. I probably would have taken to gardening at night so I could keep training. It seems like the end of the world as we know it, or at least as I know it. People going here, there and everywhere, but don't go back to rockville. Driver 8 is full steam ahead even though you can't get there from here. It looks like there is a bad moon rising tonight, this is the Rancid version though. I just hope I do not fall back down as the first time hurt enough.
There you go. I opened my soul and my Ipod. The titles are in alphabetical order by artist, which made it tricky, from AC-DC to Rancid.
I apologize to all my family and friends who I have placed second to my own desires for so long. You all have deserved better.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Feel the pain

Cross has been good so far. I have been feeling the "A" pain, and gaining a lot of confidence. Decent legs, little race stress, good mindest. Enough said.
Unfortunately I have been starting my days out with Dinosaur Jr., Feel the pain, of late. Great song, yet it is one that I tend to internalize more than most. I attach meaning and memory to music. There are certain signs that I watch out for. Feel the pain is the harbinger, not forwarding through Husker Du , Candy Apple Grey album is the other.
Gotta go, Bob Mould is calling.