SSSHHHH, I have/had a secret

I do. Some know, most do not. It is cathartic to talk about it, yet painful enough I want to conceal it.
I had heard about the Post Secret project from a TV special. Basically, a man from MD placed postcards everywhere he could think & asked people to return them to him with a secret. There were two conditions. The secret must be true. No one has ever heard the secret before.
I figured I would buy the book and try to use it as a way to help me in some fashion. I made it to page twenty-four before the tears were streaming down my cheeks. I have two hundred and fifty-one pages of someones most private thoughts to read. This may very well be the most powerful collection ever compiled.
Post Secret, compiled by Frank Warren

Numerology Top 20

1 Number of cars I punched today
2 Number of times I called the lady a "Fat, See you next Tuesday!"
3 Pieces of Muenster cheese on my sammy I had for lunch. Yummy
4 The number of Black Crowes discs in my CD player. Listening to a lot a Crowes lately
5 The number of cars that almost hit me today. I mean within 2-3 bike lengths close calls
6 Days until Nats race
7 Days until a wicked drunken bender
8 Snowman, in golf parlance, I hope Amy gets a White Christmas
9 Thousand miles I will have ridden my bikes this season
10 Cans of Diet Vanilla Pepsi in my fridge
11 Days until D-day
12 Years, Amy & I have been married
13 Unlucky, I will skip Thirteen
14 Cross top tens this season. Including two series overalls
15 More shopping days until Christmas
16 Cross races this year. After a 40 race road season
17 Weight, in pounds, of my Cross race bike
18 Age of Consent, New Order song just popped in my head
19 th Nervous Breakdown. Stones. Fitting
20 Days off I have after next Tuesday until I go back to work

Blogference Call

Since I did some Net surfing during my year-end eval Monday, today I will keep up the trend. I will compose this blog while on a conference call for work. Some may call it apathy. I prefer to look at it as a way to ultra focus my concentration. To be the consummate multi-tasker. To be able to engage both all of the brain at once, creative, logical and executive function.
Here we go. Sweet, I think my manager has given us the incorrect access code. I am on a call that is for managers. WTF! Damn, I just missed some area awards. That would have been classic to here that info.
Yesterday I had a great ride on the road bike. Nice tempo with some Threshold (400+) Watts thrown in. Legs are really good going into Nats. I may race on Sunday or zip to Lancaster for the Sunday Worlds. I want one last good hard effort then BIG rest. Front row start, so hopefully I will make the best of it. Get out fast and roll strong.
I went to Eric's last night to pick up a piece of furniture. It just fit in the Blazer. DK is helping me move it in today. I had a nice talk with my bro last night. He helped me think through some things and it was good to be able to talk through all the stress that I am experiencing. We talked about my career and how unfufilling it is presently.So much goes through my mind every day. What to do? Should I make some serious changes in my life? Will some serious changes in my life be made for me?
Back to my call. Blah, blah, blah. Yeah I got it.
Here we go, let's be creative. Any visuals? ASS CLOWN! Can we use a Lionel train? You know, open the gate to Gateway. HA HA HA HA. Unfreakin' real. Yeah I have been selling for 9+ years in this industry, and the best support I can get in a f'in Lionel train! That screech you just heard wasmy career hit the Lionel train breaks. Choo, Choo, chugga, chugga, chugga. I think I can, I think I can.
Call is done. I am out.

So much to say

So hard to say it. For the seven or eight people who read this you will have to wait another week. I jokingly say on my profile something to the effect of "those in the know, know". Well that is quite true the past few months.
I have never cared less about work. I had my year-end performance review today at Starbucks. I was connected to the interent to access some Lilly info for my review. After a few minutes, I actually started surfing Cyclingnews, velonews, bikereg and a few blogs, during the review. My manager did not have a clue and I was two feet away from him. Unreal. The highlight of the eval was my monstrous rice krispy treat & soy mocha.
Riding is going well. The legs are really responding with a good ride at States & great ride at Reston. They were fun days on a bike. Yesterday, I was very aware of what was going on. People taking pics, what announcers are saying, who is cheering, people watching. It was somewhat surreal. The race was hard, but I was so in tune with everything. That is, until that last greasy little root that I bobbled and lost contact w/ Joe & Gunnar my Gunnar. At least I concentrated on something positive for a while.
Personally, today I woke up and said "today is a new day". Tomorrow I will do the same. At least I had the company of a good friend to hang with this weekend. That makes life more bearable.
To all my cross friends and aquaintences, it was a great season. Thanks for racing and making weekends fun.