In another time, the outcome would have been different

You try so hard, and so much energy is invested. You figure that good things should happen to good people, at least I do. You know you want this so badly that you can taste it. Maybe there are times that simple things are forced. This, all because you feel that no matter how smooth the trail is maybe there is just a little more you can squeeze out. Everything is easy, natural, flowing, like you were meant to be exactly where you are at that present moment. Nothing surpasses the joy you feel. You are working so hard to stay smooth and not let others know just how hard it really is to be where you are, right then, at that moment. You know that in the end it is all good.
Life, maybe? My race today, maybe?
In another time, today would have been different. Not for the better. Those who really know me, know there was once a time were I was a walking timebomb. Not during the divorce. Before that, there were times I was just a freakin' stupid ass person, who had a bad temper. Over the past few years I have worked very hard to rectify this. I would like to think, and I think most will agree, I am a kinder, gentler version presently. Someone who is fun to be around, even in tough times. This is also why I rarely argue with people about things. Better put, I almost never argue with people I enjoy being around. It is not worth a trip down bad memory lane.
So, to the title. I was flying today, at least for me. Half way through the race I was in 7th, with 6th in view. Then it happened. Where I was so smooth, I pushed a little too much. I knew the section and what to do, yet I pushed a little too much. I wanted this result so badly. Next thing I know, FLAT TIRE and dinged rim. No chance to refill with air. I am done. In another time, the outcome would have been different. First, I would have exploded in a litany of profanity so loud and expansive that I would have so embarrassed myself that it would be beyond comprehension. After the situation was assessed, I started to walk 2.5 miles out of the woods, calmy. By the time I got back near the car I saw my group come through 6th-11th. I decided to get my spare bike and go back out for a ride.
Why? Because, like the double entendre at the beginning, I so enjoy certain things that it was worth my time to finish what I started. I screwed up in the race. It is done. Pout? Go home? Make excuses? No. I manned up got my spare, and to the amazement of some people watching I headed back to enjoy myself. Enjoy myself, I did.
So, four hours drive invested, three hours on the bike with race, warm and cool. Two hours cleaning, repairing and getting parts ready for tommorow fix session. I am a better person for the time invested.
Am I happy that I had so much invested, and DNF'ed? Of course not. Ironic, Aerosmith "Back in the saddle" is playing presently. I digress. I DNF'ed, but I did not quit.
In another time the outcome would have been different. Today, I made the best of the outcome and had a damn fun time.
Thanks for reading.